


Iwaizumi Hajime (27) Athletic Trainer Is Suffering

by bloopy



Series: Stories I write due to random bouts of inspiration [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Haikyuu!! Manga Spoilers, Iwaizumi Hajime Is So Done, help him
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-01-15
Packaged: 2021-03-12 23:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,823
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28768212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bloopy/pseuds/bloopy
Summary: Iwaizumi first thought when he got this job offer that it was a testament to his hard work and skills, now he's convinced he got it because Kuroo is a sadist that wants to see him suffer.Or: Iwaizumi is forced to become a babysitter to a bunch of adults and ends up having to make a giant list of rules that they need to follow for his own sanity. These are the rules:
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime & Suffering
Series: Stories I write due to random bouts of inspiration [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2066586
Comments: 1
Kudos: 38





	1. Rule #1

Iwaizumi was walking through the halls of the Japanese Men’s Volleyball Team facilities having just finished a long strategy meeting. According to the coach, the first one was always the longest. Nevertheless, he was excited to begin the season and working with the team. As he got closer to the kitchen, he paused noticing some strange sounds coming from behind the door. he stuck his ear on the door and heard:

“It’s almost done!”

“You need to add more chili!”

“I already added some!”

“Well clearly it’s not enough!”

“Guuuuuuuys I want marshmallows in this too! Can we add some?”

“I’ve never seen ‘Samu add marshmallows but maybe he’s just a stick in the mud so let’s do it!”

“Ummm guys...”

“Give me a second this bottle is impossible to open!”

“Maybe you’re just not strong enough. You need more arm workouts.”

“Who ya callin weak Tobio-kun? I beat you in our last arm-wrestling contest.”

“Yeah when I was 19. Now I'm much stronger.”

“Ummmmm guuuuys…”

“Not now Shoyo-kun I'm going to beat up your friend-wait Bokkun WHAT ARE YOU DOING!”

“You said we need more chili!”

“I meant the powder you moron not the actual vegetable!”

“Isn’t chili a fruit?”

“SINCE WHEN?!”

“Well they’re like tomatoes aren’t they?”

“GUYS I THINK THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE OVEN!”

Iwaizumi, who had been growing increasingly more worried and exasperated, took that as his cue to enter. He opened the door and found:

Hinata freaking out while pointing at an oven that was now smoking.

Kageyama holding a phone with a very self-satisfied expression.

Atsumu holding a bowl with a very strange looking mixture that included things like marshmallows, chili’s, and from what he could smell, a lot of other spices.

Bokuto holding an empty bag of marshmallows in one hand, and pack of ghost pepper chilis in the other.

As well as an entire kitchen filled with what looked like the remnants of a food war with batter everywhere as well as eggshells and flour on several people’s hair.

The four culprits stared at Iwaizumi who felt something wet fall on his face before looking up and finding that they somehow managed to get cake batter on the ceiling.

“Ummmm hey Iwaizumi-san! We were trying to make spice cake…” Hinata trailed off while trying to placate the man that was slowly getting angrier by the second. Unfortunately with the arrival of Iwaizumi, they forgot about the smoking oven.

_BEEEP! BEEEP! BEEEP!_

The fire alarm began to ring, triggering the sprinkler system in the kitchen causing them all to be soaked.

Iwaizumi walked over and pressed the emergency off button, then turned off the oven and took out a very charred food item that may have once been a baked good, but now looked like a brick.

The four players gulped, their lives beginning to flash before their eyes. 

* * *

One hour later, Yaku and Kuroo were walking into the kitchen to get a snack when they saw a very strange scene.

Iwaizumi was standing in the front of the kitchen holding a whisk in his hand while Bokuto and Kageyama were cleaning out an oven, Hinata was scrubbing counters, and Atsumu was on a badly balanced chair scrubbing the ceiling. Everyone’s hair looked damp like they had recently showered, and they could feel the waves of rage emanating off of Iwaizumi as his frown lines were more prominent than ever.

The two former high school teammates looked at each other and noped out of there deciding that whatever had happened, was definitely not worth asking about.

Thus, the first rule on the rule board in the communal room was born:

_Rule #1) Hinata, Kageyama, Atsumu, and Bokuto are no longer allowed within 50 feet of the kitchen, if you want to eat, you can starve or beg someone else to make food for you._


	2. Rule #2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pringle cans are tricky things to deal with.

Iwaizumi was looking through some paperwork in his desk when suddenly he got a phone call. He didn’t know whether to be relieved that there was now a valid distraction from his work, or annoyed because he was finally starting to get in the groove of things. He opened the phone and:

“IWAIZUMI-SAN!”

“Hinata! What's wrong?”

“IT’S BOKUTO-SAN AND KUROO-SAN! THEY’RE BOTH IN THE HOSPITAL!”

“WHAT! STAY RIGHT THERE I’M COMING NOW!”

Iwaizumi grabbed his wallet and jacket and began to sprint to the hospital. The tournament season was starting soon and having one of the star players on the team in the hospital was never a good sign.

He burst into the hospital filled with dread that quickly turned into confusion when the nurse behind the station tried not to laugh when he said who he needed to see. After thanking them and rushing to the room, he burst in and saw:

Bokuto and Kuroo sitting on a hospital bed, in-between them a tube that looked like several cans of pringles stuck together with each of them having an arm stuck in the tube.

They were both red in the face as Yaku was wheezing in the corner, unable to stand properly from laughter while Hinata looked like he was both concerned and amused at the same time. Iwaizumi facepalmed.

“Do I even want to know how this happened?”

“We just found them like this! They were trying to run into the side of a wall to see if the tube would break, but now there’s a dent in the wall and I think their arms are even more stuck.” Hinata said helpfully when Yaku was still unable to form proper words.

Iwaizumi sighed deeply as he mentally began to prepare a list of excuses to tell the coach when Bokuto couldn’t show up to practice for the next day. He seriously needs a pay raise.

When they finally got back, (seriously why were Bokuto's arms so big they had to get several knives to get him unstuck-not to mention an insane amount of lotion) Iwaizumi immediately marched to the rule board and added rule number 2.

_Rule #2) Bokuto and Kuroo are no longer allowed to be left alone for more than 2 minutes at a time. Also pringles are banned you guys are athletes that shouldn’t be eating this junk anyways._


	3. Rule #3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Googly eyes

Iwaizumi didn’t know who started it (he was willing to bet his salary that it was Suna though, that man always looks like he’s onto something), but he was going to end it today.

He stormed in the common room holding his water bottle. Hinata and Kageyama were playing a video game, while Atsumu and Bokuto were cheering them on. Suna, as usual, was recording. Upon his arrival they all looked up.

“Oh hey Iwaizumi-san!” Hinata smiled before going back to his game.

“Guys. Who did this?” He held up his water bottle, shaking it furiously.

“Who did what Hajime-kun?” Atsumu drawled from his side of the couch, looking like the picture of innocence.

“Don’t play coy with me. Who did _this_?”

“We’re not mind readers Iwaizumi-san.” Hinata said with his back still turned.

Iwaizumi sighed in frustration and moved to stand in front of Hinata and Kageyama to get their attention. They both groaned as they tried to look past him until they gave up and stared at him petulantly. Iwaizumi sighed feeling very much like a parent scolding their rude children.

“What is wrong with the water bottle I'm holding right now?”

“It’s empty.”

Iwaizumi slapped his forehead. “Yes its empty but that’s not what's wrong right now.”

“But Iwaizumi-san! You're the one that always tells us to stay hydrated! Shouldn’t you follow your own advice!” Hinata piped up. Behind him Atsumu turned his face away so Iwaizumi couldn’t see him choking from laughter.

“I mean the eyes! The eyes _on my water bottle._ ”

He got five blank expressions staring back at him. his eye twitched and he tried to remain calm. He was dealing with adults so they could all be reasonable about this.

“Do you see the googly eyes on my water bottle? These ones?” He pointed aggressively. “The same googly eyes that have been popping up on all my things for the past week no matter how often I get rid of them!”

Atsumu walked up to the athletic trainer with a _very_ sincere expression of concern.

“Hajime-kun. Maybe you’ve been working too hard. I think you’re seeing things bro.” he placed a hand on Iwaizumi’s shoulder that was immediately shrugged off.

“You know what. Asking you clowns is useless because I'm sure it was one of you that did this. I need someone with a brain.”

Almost on cue, Sakusa walked in, looking thoroughly done with everything and everyone as usual. He sighed heavily as Iwaizumi ran up to him frantically waving a water bottle.

“Sakusa-san! Sakusa-san! You see it too don’t you!”

“What exactly am I meant to be seeing?”

“The eyeeees. The googly eyeeees!” Iwaizumi shook the water bottle agreesively in Sakusa’s face as the latter cringed and stepped back. He surveyed the room before sighing and looking at Iwaizumi and in his trademark deadpan voice he said:

“Sorry. I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

Iwaizumi groaned. He thought that at least Sakusa would be mature about this but he must've been in on it too. He needed to speak to someone that wasn’t an athlete (or Kuroo). Again, as if on cue, Coach Hibarida walked in to check on his players.

“COACH I NEED YOUR HELP!”

“Hello Iwaizumi-san. You look distressed.”

“Coach tell me you see the eyes too. The googly eyes on my water bottle. Coach they’ve been showing up everywhere for the past week, in my car, on my desk, phone cover, clothes, even in my food! Coach I see googly eyes in my dreams now. No one else claims to see them when I point them out! I think I'm going crazy!” Iwaizumi had started to pull on his hair, making him look even more frazzled.

The players all gulped as their coach raised an eyebrow at all of them. He sighed and put a hand on Iwaizumi’s shoulder. Iwaizumi looked up at the coach with his eyes filled with hope that he was finally going to get an explanation.

“Sorry Iwaizumi-kun. You must've been working way too hard this week. Take some time off so you don’t keep seeing things.”

Iwaizumi stared blankly at the coach, the players behind him turning purple with the effort of not laughing. He looked back up at Coach Hibarida with betrayal in his eyes and left wordlessly to his office.

He walked in his office and saw:

An entire office covered in googly eyes.

The players and coach in the common room finally burst out laughing when a high pitched scream was heard a minute after Iwaizumi left the room.

The next day, there was a new rule written on the board.

Rule #3) _Googly Eyes are banned and you’re all paying for my therapy._


End file.
